Mistletoe

What better tradition is there than being expected to kiss your
sweetie for no other reason than just standing in the right spot? If
you don't have any mistletoe hung up, go get some soon. Christmas is
almost here and you don't want to miss out. Be sure to put it
somewhere where you will often be together. Even better, get two, one
for the bedroom and one for the kitchen (or wherever you often meet
up).

Now to the good part, the kissing. What sort of kiss should you do
under the mistletoe? As many sorts as you can think of. One time
give her a peck on the cheek. Next time, give her a toe-curling
whopper. Be sure to mix it up with kisses to her cheeks, lips, nose,
hands, neck, etc. Whatever you do, do not become predictable. Keep
her guessing how she is going to be kissed next. Spice up your
repertory by throwing butterfly kisses and Eskimo kisses into the mix
for a greater variety of surprises.

Also, add various other aspects to the kiss. Perform one kiss while
holding hands. Do another in a full bear hug. Try giving her a
love-pat or not touching her at all. Sometimes whisper a sweet
nothing in her ear or sneak a love note into her hand or pocket. Take
your time and linger sometimes. Other times, make it quick, almost an
ambush.

Most important: Always smile. Let her see in your countenance how you
much you enjoy kissing her.

What about the kids? It is good for kids to both be kissed and to see
their parents kissing. For example, our youngest has a good friend
whose parents got a divorce. It has been surprising how much my child
has been affected by their divorce and how she worries about my wife
and I getting a divorce. With so many marriages dissolving before
your children's eyes, your kids need to have confidence in the
stability of your family. Give them that confidence by letting them
see you kiss and otherwise flirt with your sweetie. It really helps
them to feel more confident in themselves when they can feel secure
about the stability of their family.

Bonus: One time you will give her a peck on the cheek and she will
grab you and give you a fireworks kiss. Congratulation!! You did it
right.

Sharing a secret

Admit it, there are some "secrets" that you share with your sweetie.
Not the "dirty laundry" kind of secrets, but the fun secrets that no
one knows about. Things like that one song that is "your song" or
that little restaurant that no one knows about but has a great Italian
food and the accordion player on Friday nights. The secret
discoveries that couples share over the years are what these shared
secrets are all about.

One fun shared secret can be a movie. It needs to be a movie that is
not the most popular movie du jour. It needs to be a movie that no
one knows about, or its not a secret. It can be a fun independent
movie that you see at some film festival. Also, DVDs can make for
some "shared secret" movies. Just be adventuresome and try a movie
you have not seen before. Romantic comedies are often the best for a
couple who want to enjoy watching a movie and being together.

If you want a suggestion, let me recommend "Our Hospitality" starring Buster Keaton. Its an old silent romantic comedy with two feuding families. Of course, the son of one family falls for the daughter of the other, not realizing they are mortal enemies. I'm not going to say anymore except that it is one of the funniest movies I have ever seen. The humor includes the broad physical comedy Buster Keaton is famous for, the standard young couple overcoming adversity and a very cleaver play of feuding and hospitality. But the train scene brought tears to my eyes.

When discovering a new "shared secret" be sure to set the mood. Take
the time to make some movie popcorn and have everything proper for
some good movie watching while snuggling. Having a shared secret is
as much about how you felt while discovering the shared secret as what you were discovering.

The Danger of a Grand Gesture

Maybe its just a guy thing, but I love to give my sweetie extravagant
gifts. Maybe I hark back to the caveman days when bringing home a
squirrel would keep you from starving but not much else. However, a
woolly mammoth will keep your sweetie well fed and warm for a quite
while. Also, its an ego boost to have my sweetie show off my latest
purchase.

Come to think of it, its not just a guy thing. My sweetie loves to
lavish me with expensive gifts and toys. Maybe its just that we get
such enjoyment out of seeing our sweetheart happy. And obviously the
more money I spend the happier she will be. Right?

I have learned to keep these Neanderthal impulses under control.
Buying an expensive gift can do more harm to your romantic life than
it does good. Often, a small, but thoughtful token of love is better
than an expensive one. Seems counter-intuitive so lets explore.

First, take into account the family budget. If you spend so much on a
gift that it adversely affects the cash flow situation, the grand
gesture is going to backfire. When your sweetie sees or thinks about
the budget-busting gift, they will not be happy and grateful. Rather,
your sweetie will feel guilty and ashamed. This is not what you
wanted. For long-term happiness, avoid the budget-buster. Remember
this wise saying: There is no better aphrodisiac than a balanced
budget.

Second, consider the idea of "points". When you do something nice for
your sweetie, you are said to have scored points with them. Now the
weird thing is that points are not proportional to money spent.

Consider the story of a wise friend of mine. He got his wife a new
car. He also got her wedding ring upgraded for their anniversary. A
foolish man would think that he would have scored enough points to
last a long time. He would think "I spent so much money she is going
to be happy and I won't have to worry about any of that romantic stuff
for a long time". My wise friend realized that these points would
only last a few days. Once she had shown all her friends and family
the car, it would go back to being just a car. The same applies for
the ring.

Which leads us to emotional memory. Our emotions have no memory.
Emotions only exist in the NOW. It doesn't really matter how I felt
last week, last year or 5 minutes ago. What matters is what I feel
NOW. So the joy that your sweetie feels with the gift only lasts for
a short time, regardless of the size and price of the gift. Some
gifts can bring repeated joy to the recipient, but that is a topic for
another day.

The bottom line is: You can score more points with small romatic
gestures randomly strewn throughtout the year than with a single grand
gesture. Emotions are fleeting. What was exciting yesterday becomes
routine and boring today. Do unexpected, simple, and inexpensive
gestures often to remind your sweetie how much you love each other.

Cut a Rug

When was the last time you danced with your sweetie? If you are like
most couples, you can't remember that far back. Tonight, clear a spot
and find some music of varying tempos. It is as important to have
some up-tempo music as well as the "bear hug" music. Then, spend a few
minutes dancing with your sweetheart.

Dancing is great for your both your hearts - the physical one and the
romantic one. For the physical heart, it is a wonderful aerobic
activity that will get your heart rate up. It burns lots of calories
and gets those endorphins going to make you feel good.

But don't forget the romantic heart. By the end of just a couple of
dances you both will be smiling, laughing and really enjoy being with
each other. Not only that, there is a lot of touching: hugs, holding
hands, the "bump" and so on. No better recipe for romance was ever
written.

What about the kids? Unless you have teenage sons, they will be
jumping right in. Kids know a good time when they see it. You may
have daughters standing on your feet or a son "dancing" without his
even touching the ground. Its a great family "bonding" experience.

You say, "I am so self-conscious of my dancing". The best way to
overcome that it to make a game of it. There are no set rules for
dancing. Dancing only requires a willingness to try. Make up your own
dances based on everyday stuff: the lawnmower, the dishwasher, etc.
Just be sure to laugh at yourself.

A Frosty Message

With the weather getting colder, scraping frost off the car windows is
becoming part of the morning ritual. If your sweetie has to scrape
the frost off the windows before leaving, you have a couple of
opportunities to surprise your sweetie. One thing to do is to write a
message to your sweetie in the frost on the windows. The message
could be a heart with both your initials in it. Keep it simple and
short so the letters can be large and easily seen.

On another day, sneak out and scrape the windows for your sweetie.
Leave a note on the steering wheel. Something like: "Your smile warms
a frosty morning".

Comfort an Ailing Sweetie

My sweetie has been under the weather the last few days. Being the
gallant husband I am, it is difficult to not be able to don my shiny
armor and ride to her rescue on my snowy white steed. Many times
during our marriage I have felt helpless because there is nothing I
can do to "make it all better". No matter how many dragons I might
slay, my sweetie is still going to have a cold.

I have learned that just because you can't fix it all, doesn't mean
you can't do something. Last night that something was buying a
dozens roses that were on sale at the store and renting a movie. Even
though I can't make it better, I can remind her I am thinking of her
and her needs.

Asking

Find a time when you need to ask your sweetie a question. Instead of
just asking it, write it on a piece of paper. Preface your question
with a compliment like:

Sweetie,

You have lovely eyes, I am so lucky to have you. Where is the sugar?

XOXOXOX

Treasure Box

During the years of a couple's marriage, they gather momentos. These
little tokens of particularly special times in our lives don't cost a
lot. However, they can mean a lot to a couple because the the
memories associated with them. Life is busy and this little things
can get lost or overlooked.

Get yourself a box for these little treasures. Make it a nice box,
like a jewelry box. Put all your special trinkets in the box. Then
on your anniversary, open the box and share those moments again. Make
a point of adding something new to the box at least once a year.

Create your own holiday

Days off work are precious things. We only get so few a year that we
often hoard them. To completely surprise your sweetie, take a day off
work just to spend together. You need not have any special plans,
just spending a day together can convert the most mundane chores to
into quality us time.

Of course, if you can do something to get away for a few hours, that
would be great to.

Sometimes the kids get a day off from school. For a special family
time, take one of those days off and enjoy the day with the kids as
well.

Its the thought that counts

In this list and on others you will see many wonderful ideas for
expressing love and gratitude to your sweetie. Among all these ideas
is a common thread: go one step beyond the normal. Instead of saying
the word, "I love you", write it in a note. Instead of just saying
"thank you", send a thank-you singing telegram.

Why bother? A couple of reasons. First, when you do something
outside the ordinary and unexpected, you place yourself at a certain
amount of emotional risk. Your sweetie will sense this. This moves
you both outside of your combined comfort zone and adds excitement to
the relationship. The comfort zone is comfortable but boring. By
moving both of you outside of that boring place, a simple yet
extra-ordinary act is a simple way of adding excitement to the
relationship.

Second, as the saying goes, "it is the thought that counts". The more
thought and preparation you put into sending your message of love and
gratitude, the more it will count. As another saying states, "talk is
cheap". You can say "I love you" over and over again. Yet its impact
is not very great. Speaking the words requires no effort and no
thought. Sending a small card with a short hand-written note shows
both thought and preparation. It is a small amount of effort, but it
shows you are thinking of your sweetie, even when you are not
together.

Third, do not spend a lot of money. There is a paradox of affluence.
We are told that buying luxurious gifts will make our sweetie happy.
However, you can't buy the affection of your sweetheart. Instead,
save your money and give a bit of your time and talents instead.

Remember me at work

If your sweetie to work outside the home, hide a nice note to them in
their lunch or briefcase. Be sure they will find it while they are
away from you. Also be sure to given them a warm welcome home after
work.

What is a "nice" note? Make romantic and intimate as you want. The
more personal the better. Keep in mind that this is the month for
Thanksgiving so be sure and express a lot of gratitude.

25 Days of Thanksgiving

Place an empty cornucopia somewhere conspicuous in the house. Maybe
on the kitchen table as a centerpiece, maybe in the living room on a
coffee table. If you have little ones, keep it out of their reach.
Then get a pad of multi-colored paper that is convenient to the
cornucopia.

From now until Thanksgiving, pay attention to the things your sweetie
does for you and your family. When you notice something, write it on
a piece of the colored paper. Then fold the note over and place in
the cornucopia. Then come Thanksgiving, read the notes of gratitude
together as a family.

A couple of rules:
1 - No fair peeking.
2 - Put at least one in everyday.
3 - Don't peek at the notes until Thanksgiving day.
4 - Make each note specific.
BAD NOTE: laundry
GOOD NOTE: On Nov 1 it was so nice to have an ironed shirt to wear
to meet the boss.
5 - No peeking until Thanksgiving.

This could be great to include the entire family. Everyone could
participate by including notes of gratitude of the entire family.

Swimming

Swimming is great for couples. It feels good and is wonderful
exercise. If you don't have access to a private pool, most
communities have a nice public facility for a small cost. Spend some
time laughing, splashing, swimming and just having fun while getting
your heart rate up. If you have kids, all but the littlest can
participate.

Tell Her About It

People forget. Emotionally, everyone lives in the present. The past
is gone and cannot be changed. The future is a long way off. The
only real existence, at an emotional level, is now. Keep this in
mind while considering romance with your sweetie.


Billy Joel
sings a song called "Tell Her About It". Mostly one would not seek
advice from pop music on relationships, unless its bad advice you
seek. The theme of this song goes right to the point though. Even if
you have told your sweetie many, many times that you love them, they
still need to hear it again and often. Emotionally we think "Sure,
you said you loved me yesterday, but what about today?". Is it
logically? No. Does it make sense? No.

Unless you remember that emotions don't deal with the past very well.
Its the higher areas of reasoning that understand the more abstract
concepts of time. But, emotions tend to overrule reasons. So even
though your sweetie "knows" you love them, they might not "feel" loved
at the moment. Feeling almost always takes precedence over knowing.

Help you sweetie know you love them by letting them feel loved by you.
In other words, "Tell Her About It".

Fortune Cookie Game

Prepare a a bunch of small, fortune cookie size, strips of paper with
sayings like:
* Tell what you find most attractive about your sweetie.
* Express gratitude for something your sweetie has done
* If you could go on a vacation anywhere, where would it be?
* You are going to be stranded an island together, what would you take?

Be creative. The "fortunes" should be about hopes, dreams and
aspirations. Also they need to include suggestions on giving a
compliment and also to remember shared moments together.

Then, for each "fortune", take a fortune cookie and wrap it in a damp
paper towel and microwave for 30 seconds. Quickly and carefully open
the softened cookie, remove the original fortune and replace it with
your own fortune. Reshape and hold the cookie until it gets hard
again.

Now spend some time together as a couple taking turns opening the
fortune cookies and doing as the fortune directs. This can be a lot
of fun for just the couple or for the whole family.

Blackout

For a fun evening at home, have a pretend blackout. Just don't use
anything has to be plugged in to work. This includes: TV, computer,
stereo, lights, oven, microwave, etc. Do leave the fridge running
though. Use flash lights, lanterns, or whatever. Spend the time
normally devoted to TV talking, telling stories and playing games.

Note: be careful when using candles that they are not unattended.
Also, do not use anything in the house that requires propane or
kerosene. It can build up carbon monoxide.

Hobbies

Most people have hobbies. These of course include stamp collecting,
bird watching, photography, fishing and so on. It might even be
writing or following a particular football team. Whatever it is, your
sweetie probably has one and you probably know what it is. If you
don't know what your sweetie's hobby is, find out.

Just as likely, your sweetie does not have time to pursue that hobby.
With the demands of marriage, kids, career and everything else which
fills our lives, most of us have precious little time to pursue our
own interests. Often, we feel guilty about spending time on doing "my
thing". The result being we put those things aside for a long time.

Another common thing is that we don't have same hobby as our spouse.
He's into football and she likes gardening or something like that.
This is another reason people put hobbies aside. What little free
time people have, most would rather spend it with their sweetie. It
often ends up a decision of whether to spend time on the hobby or the
spouse. Most people choose spouse.

As a special treat for your sweetie, you should enable them to enjoy
both their hobby and your company. Lets take the case where your
sweetie likes to watch the Rams play football but never seems to have
time to sit and watch a game. Find out when the Rams are playing and
arrange a "football date" at home. Make nachos or popcorn or whatever
the favorite football treat is. Invite a couple of friends over to
watch the game game on TV with you. The idea is to allow some guilt
free time to enjoy both the game and your companionship.

This is just one example, but the same principle can work with any
hobby. The idea is three-fold: first, remove the guilt associated
with spending time on a hobby instead of something else; second,
participate to some extent in the hobby so it can end up being "us
time" as well as "my thing"; and third, do something to encourage the
hobby. This can be making necessary arrangements or by buying
something useful to the hobby.

I Treasure You Chest

Get a small recipe card box. Decorate and personalize it for your
sweetie. Inside place a single index card that says something like,
"This is an 'I Treasure You Chest' where you can store your 'treasure
cards'. Each card tells how much I treasure you".

Then, every so often leave an index card somewhere where your sweetie
will find it. On the card write a little something. It could be the
line from a song, a thank you for something your sweetie did, a
verse from the Bible, a quote on love, line from a movie or just your
own special thought. One fun idea is to spread a poem over several
cards. Make some serious and some funny. Your sweetie can place all
the cards in the "I Treasure You Chest" and can read over them
whenever they feel a need for a boost.

For a nice addition, you can get small stickers that say "I Love You"
or are in the shape of a heart. Place a sticker on each card before
hiding it or delivering it.

100-100

We often hear that a marriage should be 50-50. Each partner should
contribute half to the relationship. By implication, each partner
would then withhold 50% from the relationship as well. Consider a
football team. If each member of the team does his half best, would
this team go very far?

A marriage is the ultimate team. Each member of the team needs to
give it 100%. The husband needs to be 100% dedicated to the wife and
the wife 100% dedicated to the spouse and both need to be 100%
dedicated to the marriage. Just as players on a football team need to
be 100% dedicated to the team.

"Wait!" you say, "I can add. 100% + 100% = 200% How can a single
person give 200%. That's just crazy talk". Welcome to the concept
of synergy. By dedicating yourself completely to your spouse, and
your spouse doing the same, you create synergy.

You are able to do more as a team than either of you can do alone.
Its like in those war movies when one soldier says "I got your back".
They then stand back to back and face the oncoming enemy. Each knows
he doesn't need to worry about what's behind him as his partner has
that under control.

In a marriage, each partner is responsible for certain tasks. On a
football team there are different positions played by different
people. Each needs to know what is expected and trust the other team
members to do their part as well. By guarding each other's back, you
and your sweetie can remain 100% focused on the position you have to
fill in the relationship knowing that you won't be blindsided because
your partner has his postilion filled as well.

Who decides what position each partner plays? What if you don't trust
your spouse to guard your back? Those are great a topics for other
days.

Read the Good Book

One aspect of a marriage that is often overlooked is the spiritual
aspect of the relationship. With the pressing demands of the both the
physical and the emotional needs, the spiritual needs of a couple can
be overlooked or dismissed altogether. There is always so many
things that need doing. Then what little time is left is usually
dedicated to meeting emotional needs.

Take time to add a spiritual component to your life and your
relationship. A great way to do this is to read from the scriptures
together. For those who already have some religion or belief, take
some time to study your holy books together as a couple. By
fulfilling the spiritual needs, you can add a new dimension to your
relationship that you did not know you were missing.

Even if you do not consider any writing be "The Word of God", your
relationship can still benefit. Just pick one of the standard
religious texts, be it the Bible, Koran, or some Eastern text. By
studying it together you will learn more about yourself and each
other.

Batter Up!

Have you ever been to one of those batting cages? The ones around
here have different cages with pitching machine that throw either
softballs or regular baseballs. The pitching is either fast, medium
or slow. The slow pitch was slow enough that even a first grader
was able to hit it a couple of times. Each of you can take turns
hitting a few pitches while the other provides the cheering section.
A great way for the just the two of you or the whole family to have a
good time and not spend too much money.

Sunrise, Sunset

With fall here, the sun is getting up later and going to bed earlier
each day. The next couple of weeks, before the shift in daylight
savings, are a great time to do something few couples take time to do:
watch the sun rise. The sun is coming up pretty late so you don't
have to get up early. Have yourselves a warm breakfast. Then make
some nice hot cocoa and go outside and spend a few minutes counting
the stars, watching them disappear, and seeing the sun peep over the
horizon.

Can't manage a sunrise? Try a sunset instead. Sunsets are also worth a
few minutes with your sweetie. If you have the kids along, have them
try and name all the colors they see.

How About a Foot Rub

Most everyone loves their feet rubbed. We stand on them, walk on
them, jump on them and otherwise abuse our feet all day long. So, its
no surprise that a little pampering of the feet goes a long way toward
making your sweetie feel pampered all over. Rubbing them with a nice
peppermint lotion just before bed seems to work well.

As a matter of fact, there's a method to the whole foot rub. There
are those who claim that like acupuncture, reflexology
contributes to the health of the whole body. In reflexology, each
area of the foot is mapped to some other area of the body. For
example if you have a head cold, then rubbing the "sinus" section of
the foot, the pads of the toes, is supposed to help. Does it really
work? Try it and find out. The worst that could happen is your
sweetie gets a nice foot rub out of the deal.

Make 'em Laugh

Do you remember "Singing in the Rain"? The "Make 'em Laugh" scene is
one of the most memorable of the movie. One of the reasons that the
movie holds up so well is that in today's world of movie-magic and
computer effects, is that that scene of dancing and slap-shtick is still a joy
to watch. I just laugh and say, "How did he do that?"
Maybe I should have included "Singing in the Rain" in the romantic
movies post, but I digress.

Tonight, make your sweetie have a good laugh. While jokes are good
for a laugh, a personal anecdote is better. Better yet is
recalling an experience that you have shared like the time during
your honeymoon when the the waitress looked at you and exclaimed
"Slob!". Then she came back and said "Keep it on you plate or in your
mouth!". That one still makes us both bust-up laughing whenever we think about it.

Holding Hands Improved

What is nicer than holding hands? You can do it almost anywhere, at
anytime, while doing most any activity. You can hold hands while
walking, waiting, watching, and any time you want to let your sweetie
know you are there. If you haven't held hands for a while, try it.

However, even the simple act of holding hands can be improved upon.
Next time you are holding hands with your sweetie, give them 3 small
squeezes. When they look at you, do it again, but this time say "I"
with the first squeeze, "love" with the second, and "you" with the
third. Now you have a way to tell your sweetheart that you love them
whenever you want, even when you can't talk. A private, secret
message you can send whenever you want to or your sweetie needs it.

Thanks sweetie

Season to Fall In Love

What a great time of year autumn is. The weather has cooled off and
in many parts of the country the trees are doing a slow motion
fireworks display. Here in our neck of the woods there are several
"scenic loops" that are famous for the fall colors. I took off early
from work and took the wife on one of the scenic loops. The fall
colors were amazing against the deep green of the evergreens. We even
spotted a couple of moose near the top. It will be one of those times
we will remember and talk about for quite many years.

Be sure and bring a camera and get some pictures of each other in the
fall beauty. Take some time to get out of the car and walk among the
trees and the leaves. The smell of the cool air, the colors of the
trees, the crunch of the leaves underfoot, and the feel of holding
hands make these moments a feast for the senses.

Piecing it together

Get a favorite photo of the two of you together. Take it and make a
copy of it. Then write on the back of it why this pictures means so
much to you. Be sure to include that your sweetie is still very
important to you. Then cut it up as a jigsaw puzzle, put it in an
envelope, and mail it to you sweetie.

Caramel Apples

With it being fall, apples are in season. What better way to spend
some time together than with caramel apples? They are a delightful
treat, not too sweet and mostly good for you. There are several ways
to enjoy them.

• Go to one of the "gourmet" candy places in town together. They
  usually have gourmet caramel apples in a variety a of flavors that
  they will will cut into slices for you. Be bold, be daring, pick a
  flavor have never tried and share it together. These candy stores are
  often in a shopping mall so the apple can be a part of an evening of
  holding hands, window shopping, laughing and trying something new.
  
• Pick up a gourmet caramel apple on the way home and surprise your
  sweetie. Take turns sharing and feeding each other.
  
• At most grocery stores they have caramel apple kits in the fruit
  department by the apples. These include sheets of caramel and sticks.
  Basically you wrap the apple with the caramel, harpoon it with the
  stick and nuke it for a few seconds. Try buying one each of several
  varieties of apples and have a taste test of which variety makes the
  best treat.
  

Date Night

Remember when you were dating how much fun it was? As importing as
dating is for courtship, it is just as important for married couples.
Are you the same person you before you were married? Is your spouse
the same person you married? Since the only constant in the universe
is change, it stands to reason that each of you have changed. What
better way to keep from feeling "who is this person" than dating.
Dating is how you each learned about each other in the first place.

Dates have the following benefits:

• Shared experiences. Some "we" time is important
  
• A chance to talk
  
• Have fun together
  
• Laugh
  
• Continue to get to know each other.
  

Hug

Touch is an important part of a relationship. Some people suggest
that we need eight or more hugs a day for proper sense of self and
well-being. An added benefit is that by giving a hug, you are
receiving the same benefit as the recipient. How many hugs have you
given your sweetie in the past week? Try to work up to eight in one
day and see if it doesn't make you both feel better.

Watching a Movie

Of course, spending time watching a movie together can be romantic.
But it needs to be a good "couple watchable" movie. If its a pure
"chick flick" then he will be bored. On the other hand, violence,
gore and flying body parts don't set the proper mood either. The best
romantic movies portray the nobility of the human spirit.

A few most romantic movies to watch together are:

• Casablanca
  
• A Walk in the Clouds
  
• The Mask of Zorro
  
• First Knight
  

S'More

Most everyone loves s'mores. What's not to love with the ooey gooey
crunchy chocolatey delicacy? Mostly, s'mores are done over a camp
fire in the great outdoors. So the smell of the smoke and forest with
the sounds of the fire crackling add to the ever all enjoyment of
these treats. Even if you are not camping, there are several ways to
enjoy them at home.

Microware

Place a graham cracker on a flat micro-wave safe plate. Then place
the chocolate on top of it. Finally, place the marshmallow on the
chocolate. Place the plate in the microwave and nuke. WATCH IT
CAREFULLY!! It only takes 13 seconds in my microwave at home. The
marshmallow will expand like a balloon. Take it out, put the graham
cracker on top and share. For added ambience, get one of those
scented candles that smells outdoorsy and light it. Maybe even one of
those "sounds of wildlife" and a fireplace screen saver.

Charcoal

S'mores of charcoal briquettes can be a lot of fun. First, it takes
some time to get them going so it can be a great way to just sit,
relax and enjoy some time together. Then, with the controlled heat of
the briquettes, its easier to make the "perfect" marshmallow. Instead
of cooking your own marshmallow, cook one for each other and try to
make them "perfect". Then make a great show of enjoying it.

Take Time to Smile

Often, with the stress of work, we come home less than cheerful.
Also, with the stress of chores, kids, school, soccer, piano, etc.
etc. etc., our sweetie is also feeling run down by evening. With all
the demands on our time and so many things that need out attention,
the nightly greeting between sweethearts can lack warmth. Think about
it: You two have spent most of the day apart. With sleep, work,
school, sports, and all the other things that happen in a standard
day, its very easy to let the whole day pass without a single warm
smile or flirtatious touch.

Make the time that you and your sweetie meet after being apart all day
a time to smile. First, perpare yourself. If it has been a
stressful day, use the last few minutes before you see your sweetie,
to start thinking happy thoughts. Maybe remember a happy time you
spent with your sweetie.

Now, meeting your sweetheart. Let the first thing your sweethearts
sees is a big happy smile. If its been a while since you smiled, they
might wonder what you are up to. This is ok, just smile wider and
maybe even chuckle. Then say something silly like "I was just
thinking of how wonderful it is to be married to the most gorgeous
babe on the planet " or
"I was just thinking of how jealous all the other girls are that I
allowed you to catch me" or some other outragous flirt you can come up
with.

Ten seconds spent smiling and flirting can make the whole evening
less stressful and more enjoyable for the whole family.

Covered in warmth

Before your sweetie gets in the shower, start the dryer going with
some towels. Just as they are finishing, get 2 towels out of the
dryer and place them for your sweetie. A nice warm towel after
showering is a luxury they may not have experienced before.

You've Got Romance

Send your special someone a romantic email. Several web sites on the
internet allow you to send greetings cards via email. Send one just
because you are thinking of them.

The Goal of Life

People like winners; they are fun to be around. We love to cheer for
the winning team. In movies, books and sports are examples of people
putting it on the line. They step outside the ordinary to do
something extrordinary. This sets them apart as someone special.

Today its time to get outside the comfort zone. Set yourself some
goals to improve yourself. Need to get in better shape? Set a goal.
Some skills you are lacking? Set a goal. Then share the goal with
that special someone. Make plans with them to help you reach that
goal. Then let them cheer you along the way. Share your successes
and your diffuculties. As you reach your goals, you can be a winner.
As mentioned before, everyone loves a winner.

Romantic Bible Verses

Take a card and write the person's name on it and a Bible reference.
The fun is in looking up the verses. I have included a few verses for
ideas. Looking them up is left as an exercise to the reader.

• Song of Solomon - Chapter 2:10-13
  
• Song of Solomon - Chapter 1:15-16
  
• Song of Solomon - Chapter 4:9-15
  
• Proverbs - Chapter 5:18-19
  
• Proverbs 31:10-11
  

Family Romance

Children and romance don't mix. Most people think that way. Yet, as
parents, we love our children very much. So why can't a romantic
gesture include the whole family? Well, the answer is it can.

A simple example of how this can be accomplished. Purchase a dozen
roses. Give one or two to each child. Then have each child deliver
their flowers and say somehting like "I know who mommy's boyfriend
is". Send each child individually and wait a few minutes in between.
Then lastly deliver the rest of the flowers yourself.

An Un-special Occasion Card

People usually think of greetings cards only for "special" occassions
like birthdays and Christmas. Special life events like births,
deaths, and graduations are also remembered with a greeting card. For
the rest of the year, we forget about these little beauties.

Next time you are at the store, look at the greetings cards. Note
only are there cards for every sort of specail occassion, there are
also a bunch of "friendship", "romance" and "thank you" cards.
Today's tip is to find one of these cards. If in doubt, a thank you
card can't go wrong. Wait until you have no reason whatsoever to send
it. Hand write a short message of love and gratitude. Hand address
the envelope then stamp it and mail it.

Physical Evidence

"Talk is cheap" or so it has been said. In the area of romance, cheap
may be cheap, but it is also necessary. We all need to hear that we
are loved and appreciated. And a sincere expression of gratitude is
never wrong. However, hearing is just one of the senses. If you can
involve the other senses in the expressions of love and gratitude it
will be that much more effective and memorable.

The tip for today is to leave a short note of love and gratitude to be
found at a later time, preferably when you are not around. Write the
note on something other than just white paper. If possible, include
some small treat. This small act will involve 4 of the 5 senses: the
writing and the paper for the eyes, the feel of the paper and the act
of unfolding the note for the sense of touch, the treat for both the
taste and smell. When several of the senses are included, the message
seems more "real". That is, it seems more sincere and it is therefore
more enjoyable and memorable.

Make a note of it

Throughout the year that special someone in your life will make
comments like "oh, I've always wanted one of those", "I just know we
could never get that" or "maybe someday ...". You get the idea. This
is known as hint dropping. When a hint it dropped, make a note of it.

First, get yourself a notepad, or just a page in or day planner or
some spot in your PDA. Call it your "hint list". Next, whenever a
hint is dropped, log it in the hint list. Then, next time you feel
like doing something special, take one of the things off the hint list
and make it happen.

Look into my eyes

Hold both of her hands and look into her eyes. Hold her gaze until
she starts to wonder what you are up to. At that moment, smile and
mouth the words "I love you". Finish it off with a great big bear
hug.

Small, sweet surprises

Buy several small candies, the one's she really likes, and hide them
in various places so she will find them over the course of a week.

Until the last flower fades

Give you sweetheart a dozen real roses and one silk rose with a note
that says "I will love you until the last flower fades".

S.H.M.I.L.Y.

The acronym S.H.M.I.L.Y. works wonderfully.... See How Much I Love You.
Using only the acronym, take turns leaving little reminders. Get
creative: Write it on the bathroom mirror with soap, or hide a small
piece of paper in a sock or shoe, or use oreos on the back window of
his/her car... See if you can do it without being too obvious, and try
to make it something they won't notice for a little while.

Travis

Valentine's Scavenger Hunt

Send your significant other on a scavenger hunt while you stay home and
prepare a candlelight dinner. On Valentine's Day, I gave my husband clue
cards of where to go and obtain things that I had left there. He had to
go to my sister-in-laws and drop off the children, from there he had to
go to my mother-in-laws to pick up chocolate covered strawberries, and
then over to my mom's to pick up apple cider disguised as a bottle of
wine. During that time I was able to get myself and dinner ready and
surprise him when he walked through the door. The great thing about this
is that it doesn't cost a lot of money and you get to be alone instead
of a crowded restaurant.

Thanks Aurelia

Ambush Getaway

Pack a few essentials, Include a bottle of sparkling cider with champagne flutes (Plastic of course), arrange for care of the children, Kidnap your spouse and drive to a hotel for a wonderful weekend getaway.

Thanks Doug